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Spilling Thoughts

from ICON LIVID by Z the Stranger

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Oh wow how brave and honest you're being on this record. Let's be honest what are you really doing to help yourself? Because I don't think you really believe that this is helping you. Why don't you tell me everything, the real truth. What the fuck are you doing for yourself?

lyrics

I'm avoiding medication without thinking ‘bout the consequences.
Go to work and go to sleep. I’m never feeling conscious
But I’ve never had a problem. Always smiling for all consensus.
Hidden. Always anxious about understanding what “depressed” is.
I’m still alive so I’m fine.
I’m not a chronic disaster. I’m just a guy in some trying times.
It’s not a crime to die at the speed of light in a time lapse.
Slow it down. I’m in the process now, just letting time pass.
Back in the ether like I never left.
Took my new anchor with me, bound with a leather belt.
Been in my mental like brain surgery.
It’s something I’ll never escape even if the fame purges me.
What do you know about the culture? What it is or what it’s meant to be?
It was said depressing teens were never welcome in the nest of Gs.
Earl wouldn’t make it early on. Neither would X or Peep.
Now they’re the soundtrack of the nation. Maybe they can rest in peace.
I'm good at sex and I have money. That's not a flex 'cause that's all I got.
Think I'm doing well when I'm often not.
Try patching this. I'm turning on and off.
I could probably rock a spot while dodging conscious thoughts, but not for long before I fall again.
After shows, I'm going home alone and broke. My broken hope is showing when I stop and tend
to recollect and start reflecting on impacting a crowd.
I've revealed more to them than I would otherwise be letting out.
The ether is something I'd never be talking about without a therapist around,
But give me a beat and I'm willing to scream it aloud. A new type of healing is found.
Self love is an etude. I wish I could, but I can't save you.
All I can do is remain faithful.
Never let thoughts in a train take you away.
Rails looking weak. Tunnel looking grey.
Coal's running low. Consciousness astray.
You let it go, thinking it'll be okay,
Not expecting anyone to pull the brake.
It's almost as if I have no emotions, but I know I do.
I'm running in guns blazing, knowing I'm not bulletproof.
It can be difficult to trust and be just as honest.
I find myself thrust upon it.
The mask is falling off!

Oh, so we're going to see the real you? The one you were hiding from us this entire time? Oh well isn't that something. Alright, well now you're going to be truly honest, spill your thoughts. You have the stage.

I was born dead.
Baby with a bullet in the head.
A knife in the chest.
I can't remember the last time I was comfortable.
Still I feel well enough not to crumble, though.
Fuck that. take a look at the image against it's juxtaposed.
The image of me in a casket disturbs me, I don't want to think that way
I still have another year to wait before I can drink it away.
If I end it now, the guilt would be endless. It's something I couldn't escape
Like James Sunderland in Egypt. Get your pyramid scheme out my face.
I don't need that.
Fuck a glee track. I'm bringing Z back.
The same Z that made genius raps about history at just 16.
Don't bring your dirt. This is pristine.
Y'all Lowes paint. This is Sistine.
No average bars, but this shit's mean.
You can stay out of the way of this dream.
I was budding way back when I was 5'9".
Swing the bat like Ortiz, leave you with a crooked eye.
Welcome to the slaughter house.
Rapture under the icons. Enter if you've lost yourself.

credits

from ICON LIVID, released June 15, 2020
Production, writing, and vocals: Cameron Francisco

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Z the Stranger Rockland, Massachusetts

Allow for all to breathe air as clean as Eden. I will drown in the River Styx and keep the planet eternal, along with all the love in it. Your own beauty is yours and no one else's. I will inject the earth with the divine milk of a ghost's breast and the living will never go thirsty. I still remain a stranger to everyone. ... more

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